what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
