can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
