Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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