Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize