I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
