never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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