Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
