I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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