the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize