the day after is always just damage control
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
