i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
