at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
