he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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