My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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