Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize