I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
