wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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