They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
