I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
