I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize