Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think my nap took me to another dimension
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
