I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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