Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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