I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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