just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
