Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
