i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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