Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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