So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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