Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
