Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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