A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
