It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
