i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
