Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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