yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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