Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
