He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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