yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
