He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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