Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize