i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
