You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
