Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
