I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
