just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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