Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize