Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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