You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
