i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
