Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
