Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
