rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
