i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
