Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
