I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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