Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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