You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
