Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
