Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
