what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
