I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
