ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
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