Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
