THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
