i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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