I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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