i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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