check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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