No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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