ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
