he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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