the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
