Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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