He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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