I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
this hospital has no fireball
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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