So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
