You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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