Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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