I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
