Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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