you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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