I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
