Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize