Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
