I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
