Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
