Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
