I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
